Today is a bittersweet day in the Bredemeyer household. Today we celebrate 23 weeks of a healthy pregnancy with our little "Man Cub". The Lord has been so gracious to bless me with such a healthy and easy pregnancy this go around. I hear women tell me and I have even read that you might feel your baby move and then you won't feel anything for weeks. God has been so sweet to allow me to feel little Man Cub several times a day for a several weeks now and anytime I freak out that maybe I hadn't felt him move that day I lay my hands on my tummy and pray, "Lord, breathe life into this baby!", and before I can finish praying little cub is on the move. Praise the Lord for He is so good!
Today is also the due date of our first baby that we miscarried in July of last year. I have been dreading today literally for a few weeks now. I was wrecked by its coming on Friday evening. I didn't really share with my pain and fear of today because the lies I was hearing inside saying, "They don't want to hear your sob story", "Aren't you over it yet", "Here comes Sarah on the miscarriage crying wagon". How silly right. So dumb!
Last night while working on a project for our Man Cub's nursery a sweet friend texted me that she was praying for strength for me and Blake today. It blessed me. Like seriously stopped me in my tracks. That someone knew the rough day coming and loved me enough to pray for me. I was like, "Jesus, I thank you for the church family because I know they have my back!"
So, this morning I woke up before my alarm and I thought, "Today is the day. I don't want to get up. Not yet Lord. Help me to go back to sleep!" and so I did. But when my alarm went off I woke up with such a peace inside. Not in a panic like I was in a few hours before. It was strange but it was a peace I had felt before when I was actually walking out the miscarriage just six months ago.
God is so good in how He works the timing of things. With both babies I found out we were pregnant on a Sunday morning before church. Both babies are due around the same date but of course in different months. But what I love is that our baby bear who was due today was due on a Sunday. But not any Sunday! A Sunday that I could attend church and worship, a Sunday that one of my favorite worship leaders is in town and we have tickets to see! A day to lay down my heart ache and go before God and worship him. Had it been any other day of the week I would not have had the numerous opportunities to completely sit before the Lord and pour out to Him!
During worship today I had closed my eyes and was singing and the Lord presented the most beautiful image. It was Jesus holding our sweet baby who was about 6 months old in age (which happens to be how long since we miscarried). The baby was happy and cradled in Jesus' right arm. Jesus said, "I've got him!". I began to cry. What a beautiful image. Thank you Jesus for showing me that for I will forever cherish it in my heart.
This is what I love about Jesus. His heart aches when ours aches. He brings comfort when he knows we desperately need it. He brings hope and He never leaves us. I am thankful for Jesus because it's His love and mercy that have helped me to survive the heartache and tragedy of the loss of a child. I seriously cannot imagine walking through that season without the hope of my Savior. I'm thankful that baby bear is in Heaven and never had to step foot into this ugly world. I'm thankful that I have a relationship with Christ that when my time is up I can join my sweet baby and my Savior for eternity in Heaven. I am thankful that although my heart aches I have been given an opportunity to draw closer to the Lord and to use my story for His glory.
So while I mourn the loss of our first child today I also celebrate. I celebrate life, I celebrate grace, I celebrate the relationship I have with Jesus who has changed my life and made me a new creation.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
It is my prayer that if you do not know who Jesus is that you would reach out and get to know him. I pray that you would go beyond attending church services to truly understand who He is and surrender your life to him. I pray that you never have to walk through tragedy without His love and peace walking right there with you! I pray that you would put religion to the side and put a relationship with Him first. You will never regret. This I can promise you!
